dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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