Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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