He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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