that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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