you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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