You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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