you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
