6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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