NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He shit in the fireplace
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
