like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
