Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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