"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Randomize