I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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