don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
