you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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