another moral hangover. fuck.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
