We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
