i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
