Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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