Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize