I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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