I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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