so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
