hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
