Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
