Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
