i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
