Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
