Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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