I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
