I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
