Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
