Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
