The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
