I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
