I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
