I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
