life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
