Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
