I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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