Just cropdusted the office
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
