My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
