My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
