Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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