there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
