I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
