he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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