Umm I'm too high to move.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
