I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i think my cat just said my name.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
