I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
