Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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