Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
