I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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