We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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