Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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