you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
