I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
