38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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