I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
