Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
