all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
