I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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