Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
