It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
as a side note pls kill me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
