Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
