It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
