I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
