We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
That's intense
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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