Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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