I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
