you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize