i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
