College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
