So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
