I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
