I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
