I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
