if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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