was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
