Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There r osticjed everywhere
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize