Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
