if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
