wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
