My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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