Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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