She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize