i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
